


Flying Koshka: Alternate Storyline 2: What's the Difference Between Secrets and Lies?

by Extraho



Series: Gains and Losses [4]
Category: Dexter (TV), Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst and Romance, Awkward First Times, Birth Control, Corrective Surgery, F/M, Gender Confusion, Gender Dysphoria, Intersex, M/M, Mpreg, Other, Sexuality Crisis, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-06-04 21:29:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15156020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Extraho/pseuds/Extraho
Summary: Jax never kept Isaak a secret, but the club never thought he was serious about him and thusly didn't care much. As Jax faces challenges he never thought he would,  Isaak questions the commitments he made. Clay is getting increasingly pissed at Jax's strange behaviour and Gemma's gut is churning with guilt over the secrets she chose to keep.





	1. A4.1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SlytherinQueen021](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinQueen021/gifts).



“I need to head back to Charming,” Jax panted, still out of breath from another vigorous round of sex. The motel bed was not what they were used to, but they only had another day, and they’d be damned if they lost any of it to the road. 

“Why the hurry?”

“Wendy hasn’t sent me the bill from her last check ups. It’s making me fucking antsy. Six months pregnant ain’t the time to go all independent on me.”

“Pregnancy does not make her body your property, Jax,” Isaak stretched and folded his arms behind his head as Jax rolled out of bed. “She is entitled to her independence.” 

Jax caught the slight sprinkle of salt in Isaak’s tone. “Not when she’s a fucking meth-head with my kid in her. She getting flaky on me either means she’s pissed at me, or high. I can’t think of anything I did to piss her off in recent memory.”

Isaak arched a brow, “I stand corrected.” 

Jax gave a brief nod. Had Wendy not been an addict, he would have held the same opinion. He stretched and felt his neck crack. Isaak got up and pulled Jax’s arms to lay over his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around his ribs and slowly lifted. “Oh god,” Jax groaned. The satisfying pops of his spine as Isaak shook him gently sent small thrills of pleasure through his body. Isaak put him down and stroked his hands down his sides. “Stop it. You’re making me horny again.” 

“C’mon sunshine,” Isaak purred, “no ones ass is as sweet as yours. One for the road?”

“No one? Not even that Miami guy?” 

Isaak chuckled, “No one.” He grew tender, “I won’t be seeing him anymore.” 

Jax frowned. “Thought you were long term?”

“Years don’t mean much,” Isaak bent down to kiss him. “Not in the face of something like this.” 

Jax raised a brow, “You saying -” 

“I’m asking if you’ll go steady with me.” 

“Making me feel like a school boy,” Jax joked, but in truth his heart was swelling. 

“Our situations are a little simpler now,” Isaak said.

“I’ve still got a baby on the way,” Jax reminded him. 

“I’m aware,” Isaak lifted Jax easily. “But that ring is off your finger, and soon enough I will be free of my obligations elsewhere.” He sat down with his lover in his lap and pushed him down on his cock. Jax cried out, shakily trying to relax and let himself slide down, landing softly. 

Jax tried to ignore the possessive hands spreading on his stomach, knowing what Isaak was thinking. In the years they’d known each other one thing had become obvious; Isaak had a daddy-kink a mile wide and he knew he liked the idea of Jax having his child. 

“You’ll be his godfather?” Jax asked, voice trembling. “Please?”

“Of course,” Isaak replied and shoved his hips up, “Sweetheart-” 

“Name him?” 

“I will,” Isaak promised, “Something fitting,” he nipped at Jax’s skin. 

“Just us now?” Jax purred softly. 

“Just you and me,” Isaak nodded, “No one else. Exclusive. You’re so beautiful,” Isaak murmured, stroking Jax’s sides firmly. Jax trembled, moaning loudly at every slow thrust. Getting impatient, he pushed back and urged Isaak to go harder, but was just pushed down on the bed in response. Trapped under his lover’s weight, unable to move from the thick and deep penetration, he squealed and shouted. Isaak continued slowly, driving Jax mad as he gave him both too little and too much. He pressing right to the root, spreading Jax wider than comfortable and going deeper than he was used to. Jax struggled and kicked, unable to decide if he was overloading or needed more. Isaak finally gave in and gave it to him hard.

Jax nearly threw a fit, making Isaak chuckle in delight. He curled up on his side, panting loud cries, he whined tried to keep himself together. Isaak gathered his shaking body up wrapping Jax’s legs around his waist and putting him in his lap. Jax shook and scratched frantically, but was turned to butter again as he was dropped down in Isaak’s lap. 

Jax hung on Isaak’s shoulders, too sensitive for the full length of his cock to be inside him. “There you go,” Isaak soothed, letting Jax cling to him, “Just breathe honey,” he urged. “It’s okay.” Jax shook in his arms, barely catching his breath as Isaak’s length slowly inched back inside his heated and sore body. 

 

#

 

Chibs bit his cigarette with an odd expression on his face. “I can’t be the only one a little surprised at Jax not doing the pitching,” he said, gazing out on the motel parking lot. 

No one said anything, but their brief nods and raised brows said more than enough. Either Jax was a screamer, or that was some next level fucking he was receiving. “Someone should wait up there and knock when they’re done,” Juice pointed out. 

“You go then,” Chibs ushered him. 

“I don’t think-” Juice flushed. “I mean, Jax won’t -”

“I’ll go,” Half-Sack lit a new cig. “Think he’ll be less pissed…” Half-Sack’s theory was built on that Jax didn’t give a shit about him. No one really believed that, but no one wanted to be the one to face Jax when he was likely to be both pissed at the interruption and embarrassed when he realised they’d heard him. 

 

After another fifteen minutes of continued… Half-Sack would call it near screaming, he could hear Jax frantically shouting another release, followed by another guy growling his. Giving them a minute to catch their breath, he knocked. 

As the door opened Half-Sack was met with a man quite a bit taller than himself, older, silver-fox. He was broad and strong looking, even as his shoulder were marred by teethmarks and scratches. The man glanced down at his prospect kutte and raised a brow, “Are you serious?” he asked quietly. Half-Sack just raised his browns and shrugged, saying enough. The guy closed the door in his face, but he could hear him speaking quietly to Jax, seemingly waking him up. 

#

Feeling Isaak’s hands on him, Jax drifted closer to conscious and pushed his backside towards him, longing to be filled by him even as they nested. When Isaak didn’t slide inside him, Jax blinked blearily, confused and frowning. “Hm?”

“As much as I’d love to, darling, there is someone here for you.”

Jax ignored him and pulled him down on the bed and climbed on top. Without a comment he fitted himself onto his cock, and gently started rocking. He was so swollen and sensitive that it didn’t take much before he trembled in release, mewing softly. Isaak delivered a few punishing thrusts before he allowed himself to come. 

Gently pulling off the stiff flesh, Jax grabbed the plug and slid it in neatly, wanting all of Isaak’s come inside him. “It’s maddening beyond comprehension when you wear it,” Isaak praised. “But I do believe there is someone at the door for you.” 

“My legs are jello,” Jax complained. “You answer it.”

“I already did love,” Isaak grinned, “It’s for you.”

Jax sighed heavily and pulled his boxers on. “Coulda said so.”

“I did,” Isaak grinned. “You’re stubborn.”

Jax stretched, pulled a bathrobe on and walked stiffly towards the door. Opening it, he paused as he saw Half-Sack on the other side. 

Half-Sack was not surprised to see his VP, but he was surprised at the state he was in. “Clay needs you back. Sent us to get you.” 

Jax stepped out and glanced down at the lot, seeing them looking bored. “How long have you been here?”

“Forty-five or so,” Half-Sack replied, lighting a new smoke, “Figured we’d let you finish up.” Half-Sack felt a little bad as Jax flushed, the red blush spreading down his chest. 

Jax exhaled a shaky breath, noticing he was shaking. “I’ll just grab a shower.” He closed the door on Half-Sack, and turned only to be immediately embraced by warm and strong arms. Isaak held him tight, and Jax really needed that. It had taken him a long time to be as vocal as Isaak made him want to be. There were a lot of issues- masculinity issues, embarrassment issues, shyness issues, to overcome before he’d dared to be unheeding to his own vocalisation the maddening pleasure Isaak worked so hard to give him. 

 

“I’m guessing no more motels?” Isaak smiled softly. Jax nodded, nose tucked against his chest. “Not even when I have a horny kitten who desperately needs a seeing to?” Jax made an irritated noise and Isaak didn’t push it, realising it was not the time to poke fun, however gently, nor was it the time for any effort to make Jax feel like the ball of lovely fluff he so loved being when in Isaak’s arms. “Lets get washed up.” 

The shower was big enough for the both of them - barely. Normally making love in the shower was a favourite, but with the Sons just outside, Jax’s interest was dead. Isaak still made sure to to do the appropriate amount of pawing as they lathered up the soap, just to make him feel better. 

Jax dried his hair as Isaak got dressed. He was distracted by what expected him outdoors, but nothing would have kept him from noticing the striking figure Isaak made in the gray suit. 

He pondered a bit. “Should I wear it?” 

“You’ll leak all over the place darling, if you don’t,” Isaak said reasonably. “But you know what it does to you. Can you wear it around them?” 

Jax didn’t answer and just pulled on his jeans and a white shirt, leaving it in. He cursed himself for not bringing his kutte, but he’d honestly thought he’d get the god damned three days off he’d asked for. Instead he barely got out of Charming. 

Isaak smoothed his collar and dropped a kiss on his nose. “How do you want to do this, darling?” 

“Isaak-”

Isaak shut him up with another kiss, “Darling, this wasn’t planned. You can be nervous. We can avoid it. We never really talked about this.” 

Jax nodded, “We should have,” Jax swallowed. “I love you. I want you in my life. They’re my family. This had to happen, I just…”

“Wish it wasn’t after such a power-demonstration?” Isaak teased. 

“To put it mildly,” Jax huffed. 

“What do you want to do?” 

 

#

The boys watched with a touch of disbelief as Jax came out with an older posh guy on his heels. Their VP wasn’t dressed like normal, jeans fitted and with a shirt rather than doubled up college tees. He looked tired and cranky and the older guy did not look much happier. 

“We’re here to escort.” Chibs said. He flicked his cigarette on the ground. “Tig tapped the girls in the warehouse. Gotta sort it out.” 

“Coulda saved yourself the trouble,” Jax said. “No bike, no kutte. Just fucking text next time.”

Chibs gave the older guy a look, not knowing how much he could say with a stranger around. The guy was massive. Chibs wasn’t sure exactly how tall, but 6’4 at least. He stood there with his hands in his pockets, well-cut suit empasising the strength of his frame. “You might want to be on you way, man,” Chibs said. 

Isaak quirked a smile, “You blocked my car in,” he pointed out politely. 

“Chibs, this is Isaak,” Jax introduced. “Juice and Half-Sack.” Isaak arched a brow at the odd monkier as he shook their hands. 

“Lost a nut in Iraq. IED.” Half-Sack nodded. “Name stuck.” 

“You a Brit,” Chibs asked. 

“Russian,” He answered Chibs, then he turned to Half-Sack, “Nerve damage, Sudan.” 

Half-Sack whistled, “Badass.” 

“Seen one sandbox, seen them all.” 

“You got a nick name in the army?” 

Isaak grinned, “Volke. It stuck.” 

Half-Sack paused, studying Isaak’s sharp eyes and strong features. “I can see the resemblance.”

“We need to get going Jax,” Chibs said. 

“Yeah,” Jax turned to Isaak, “Drop me off?” He picked up the phone as it rang. “Hey mom.” He accepted a cig from Chibs as the older man got on his bike. “What? You sure?” Isaak’s keen eyes immediately saw the tension in Jax’s frame and the harsh lines around his eyes. It was so out of place in such a young face. “I’ll be there,” he said and hung up. “Wendy’s in the hospital.”

“Shit man, baby alright?” 

Jax shook his head, “No.”

“Get in love,” Isaak said. “I’ll get you there.” 

“Bike’s faster,” Chibs said. 

Isaak bit back a snort and a snarky retort and just gestured for Jax to get in as he held the door for him. 

The guys just raised collective brows at the obvious practiced move. Jax had a man opening doors for him now. Ok. 

 

#

 

Isaak spun down the motorway with icy calm and a frightening speed. They were at St. Thomas in less than an hour, miles ahead of the sons. A car might be a cage, but Isaak’s was golden one. “Your mom tell you what happened?” he asked as they approached the desk. 

“She OD’d,” Jax said shortly. “They’re doing an emergency c-section.” He waited for the receptionist to have a moment for him. She was sweating and speaking rapidly with several people. Wendy was alive. His baby was alive. A minute to or fro wasn’t going to change that. He was too tired to be a dick to anyone right now. 

“Go sort yourself out,” Isaak said softly and kissed his temple, “I’ll stand in line.” 

Jax nodded and slipped to the bathroom. -his muscles were starting to cool, and his body was aching all over. Getting the small plug out wasn’t easy when he ached so much, and it left him feeling insecure and out of control. Having it was grounding, but he’d be doing more running around than he could with it, unless he felt like wearing himself raw.

As he came back out, Isaak was just reaching the fron of the queue. “Thank you for your patience,” she said as she finally got to him, “How can I help you?” 

Jax found that his mind froze as he was about to speak, and Isaak spoke for him. “Wendy Case.” 

“Um…ICU, 603. South side elevator is over there,” she said and pointed to the left. 

Standing in the elevator Jax was a nervous wreck. “You want me to wait in the car?” Isaak asked. “I think you’ve got enough on your plate?” 

Jax shook his head. “I’d like you around, if you don’t mind dealing with the drama ahead?”

Isaak kissed his temple, “It’s not about me, love. As long you get what you need to make it through today.”

“Where the fuck did I find you?” Jax sighed, feeling like the older man was his one relief in the shitstorm that was his life. 

 

“Jax!” his mother called his name as soon as he came out of the elevator. Jax embraced her, not caring for the blood on her sweater staining his shirt. “Tara will be back in a moment.”

“Tara?” 

“She’s assisting on Abel’s case. She’s a cardiac pediatric surgeon now.” Isaak remained a step behind Jax, not attracting any attention to himself. As much as an attractive man his size could avoid attention. “Who’s your friend?” Gemma asked. Jax glanced over his shoulder and subconsciously took half a step back, settling himself against Isaak’s side, just shy of slipping under his arm. It said enough. “You must be Isaak,” Gemma said shortly. 

“Yes ma’m,” Isaak gave a tight smile, “Incoming-” he nodded towards a dark haired doctor with her eyes on them. 

Gemma turned and Jax greeted her, “Tara! Is the kid -”

“Alive. But it’s not looking good.”

“The drugs-”

“Wendy’s OD is not the major issue,” she cut him off. “It’s his heart, and a tear in his abdomen. The only thing her OD caused was the early c-section which means his lungs are underdeveloped.”

“You saying the other shit would have happened anyway?” Jax asked. 

“His heart, yes. There is no way to tell if the tear would have healed right or not. If it healed wrong it could have killed him before he was born. If it healed right a surgery could have been postponed a few months.”

“Odds?” Gemma asked. 

“Surgeon’s given him 20%. That’s… being generous, Jax. I’m sorry.”

“What’s happening with the surgery?” 

“We want to do it right away. Heart first. Tear… as soon as we can.”

“His lungs?”

“They have to grow on their own. There is nothing we can do about that. Underdeveloped lungs… on their own are not very serious. Ninety-nine out of a hundred times the treatment goes without complications.”

“Do the surgery,” Jax said, his voice shaking. 

 

#

 

“It ain’t right that you’re off fucking some guy while we hold down the fort,” Clay chided his step-son. “It doesn’t look good to the club -”

“You all individually spend more time fucking whores and crow-eaters than I do away,” Jax drawled. “How about we focus on the dick that actually got our club in the shit, cause it sure as shit wasn’t mine.”

“You sure about that?” Tig mocked. Jax just flipped him off. 

Chibs chuckled, “here we thought you were hitting some twink and what we find is a 6’4, 200 pounds of silver-fox jiggidy,” he grinned. “One thing’s for sure; man drives like the devil.” 

 

“Just keep it on the down-low, VP,” Bobby said. “You don’t bring dick to Charming. It ain’t how the Sons roll, you know that.”

“No, how we roll is tidying up Tig’s fried spunk and somehow set next to that, Isaak gets shit for actually fucking helping.” Jax snapped. “Have some god-damned perspective.” 

 

“I suggest we keep to the matter at hand,” Piney barked. “Whatever tail Jax is hitting, it ain’t our business. Our business is Charming. Tig’s dick fucked us: how do we solve it.”

 

#


	2. 2

Jax watched tiredly as his mom rummaged through his old house. He’d just come back from the hospital. Abel was still in surgery and Isaak sent him home to rest. He’d just killed for the club, and apparently Isaak had gotten in an argument with his mom. Fucking perfect. And his mom was still pissed. 

“You put him as guardian?” Gemma snapped as she picked up Wendy’s shit from the floor. “What the hell are you thinking putting a stranger in charge of my grandson?” 

“He’s not a stranger, mom,” Jax replied, exhausted and aching. “I trust him,” his mother raised an unhappy brow. “I love him.”

“You can’t be serious. I thought you just needed to get dick out of your system.”

Anger cut into Jax’s chest and he snapped, “Well he got right up in my system. Fucking deal.” 

Gemma stepped back an blinked in surprise. “Where did that come from?” 

“I’m fucking tired of you and Clay and the guys harping on about Isaak like he’s done something wrong. Tig’s fucking the fried help, Abel’s might not make it out, Mayans are brewing for war, the Nords are selling crank in Charming, Wendy nearly killed herself twice, and somehow every fucking single one of you manage to make time to shit on me and Isaak.” 

“Jax-” 

“No. Just stop it. Stop it. He’s the only think that makes sense in my life. The only thing that’s not bloody. You all keep pushing, I’ll crumble.” 

 

“Maybe that’s a good thing. Dick ain’t good in SAMCRO, Jax.” 

Jax laughed sadly to himself. “I meant… god mom… I love you, I love the club… but I’m not letting you shit on me. I’ve bled and killed for SAMCRO, and I won’t stand for the disrespect. You and Clay get with the fucking program, or I step down and leave Charming.” 

“Be careful, Jax. Those words, once spoken…” she warned. 

“I’m tired,” Jax repeated. “All I want is to go to sleep at night, not afraid that my kid is drying, heart not aching being away from Isaak cause my family can’t see…” he trailed of. “Isaak will be Abel’s legal guardian. Nothing you say will change my mind.”

“Abel. You chose a name. I like it.” 

“Isaak chose it.”

Gemma frowned. “A father should name his son, Jax.” 

“You don’t like it?” 

“I didn’t say that.”

“Means Breath. Like a fresh breath of air in my life. Means Son. My son. His son. A Son. And Isaak named him,” Jax said meaningfully. 

 

#

 

“You well?” Isaak asked softly as Jax slipped under his arm and pressed against his side. 

“Tired,” he echoed the conversation with his mother. 

“Sore?” he asked and stroked his back. 

Jax made a noise of complaint. “I love my bike but right now I’d be happy not to see it again for a long, long while.” 

“Sit with me?” Isaak sat down in the chair. To his surprise, Jax sat down in his lap and stretched out in a comfortable sprawl. His back hurt, his hips ached, his thighs were burning. “You smell of blood.”

Jax groaned, “I thought I cleaned up.”

“You probably did. I just know the scent well, love. Rest a bit. They’re doing the second part of the surgery.” 

“Second?”

“They wanted to close up his stomach while they were at it. Said another round under would be too straining.”

“You sign off?” 

Isaak nodded, “Your mother and I had a discussion about it.”

“And?” 

“She’s just scared for her grandchild,” Isaak said softly.

“But Tara only needs your signature, right?” 

“Hm, Gemma didn’t take that too well.”

“I talked to her about it,” Jax said, peering up at him.

Isaak stroked his hair gently, “Why do I get the feeling you were talking rather loudly at her?” 

“The club… with everything that rained down in the past two days, they still find the time to…” 

“You don’t have to explain love. I understand.” Jax felt like crying. Isaak’s firm and gently hands on him was a soothing balm to his raw nerves, but it was also loosening the steely lid he’d lain on his emotions. Isaak said nothing as he felt hot tears touch his hand. He dropped a kiss on his messy hair and inhales Jax’s scent deeply into his lungs. 

That’s how Gemma and Tara found them as Abel came out of surgery. Jax didn’t wake as the nurses moved around quietly, setting up the incubator. 

As the nurses piled out, Gemma sat down next to them, incubator in clear view. Jax was out cold, exhausted. “He sleep long?” she asked. 

“Since he got here,” Isaak replied quietly. “Couple of hours.” 

“He needed the sleep.”

“That he did.”

“You were right about the operation,” Gemma said. “Good call.”

“The surgeon was right,” Isaak replied mildly. “All I did was listen to the ones who knew better than I.”

“And I didn’t,” Gemma sighed. 

Isaak glanced over at her and gave her a weak half-smile. “It is in a mother’s nature to be hyper-vigilant of their young.” 

“So you understand my worry.” 

“About Abel, yes. About Jax. Yes. But your worry for Jax pertains more to his reputation, not his welfare.” 

“They’re one and the same in the Club. In Charming.” 

“Only because you make it so,” Isaak said. 

“You don’t understand our world,” Gemma replied, shaking her head. “Jax wetting your dick doesn’t give you insight.” 

“I understand it better than you think,” he stroked sleeping Jax’s hair. “The weak follows the lead of the strong. That’s the way it has always been.”

“You think the Club will be alright with dick just because Clay says so?”

“No house stands without their mother. You support him, they’ll fall in line.” 

“And why would I? I don’t think you’re what best for my boy.” 

“A tree only flourishes if it has space to grow, Gemma. How long do you think you can keep him close if you restrict his freedom? He will always be your son, but he will grow out of being mum’s boy. He will grow out of Clay’s shadow.” 

“You saying he’ll leave us?” Gemma asked, thinking of what Jax had said earlier. 

“Only if he feels you don’t love him.”

“There is no one in his world I love more than my son.”

“Then make sure he knows you love him more than you love the idea of what you want from him.” 

Gemma hummed quietly, watching her son and grandson, both out cold, both healing in their own way. 

 

 

 

#


End file.
